‘ME-ME’mentality a threat to Valley

There seems to be a new epidemic out there. You may have noticed it, or perhaps you’ve contracted it yourself. If you’ve got it, you may not have noticed, because that’s one of the symptoms. It’s very contagious and perhaps more dangerous in some ways than avian flu or SARS. If anything, it’s certainly more locally prevalent than either, and many people seem to be at risk, rich or poor.

There’s no official name for this “infection” and no known cure either, but being a truly thoughtful, caring person does seem to innoculate some.

I call it the “ME-ME” virus, because I suspect that’s what you’d hear if you had a direct conduit to the brains of the folks who’ve caught it, just a constant droning hum of “ME-ME-ME-ME-ME-ME-ME-ME.” The initial sypmtoms don’t seem so severe and reportedly start with just a small preoccupation with oneself and one’s desires, particularly material ones, that are justified by thoughts like, “I deserve so much more than I have, so much more than anyone else around me.” But these thoughts grow in magnitude, until they take over the entire thought process, to the exclusion of all else.

Shortly, the virus takes over the “victim’s” brain. I use quotes here, because those infected often act more like perpetrators than victims. Indeed, the sufferers of this malady cause much misery to the folks around them.

One of the sure signs of this illness is the inability to say “excuse me” when a situation warrants it. If they can still utter this phrase at all, it is usually in the course of committing a social crime, such as knowingly running you over with their shopping cart in the grocery store in order to grab something off a shelf before you do, even if there are many of the item, or to beat you out to the checkout line.

ME-ME sufferers have also been known to have an inflamed sense of self-importance. No one and nothing is more important to them than their immediate, and often petty wants and needs. At the same time, the mind atrophies; ME-ME sufferers are notoriously small-minded creatures.

Being first is very important to these people.

Beating you out for the parking spot you’ve patiently waited for, for instance, is high on their priority list, while the needs of others are not even on their radar. Volunteerism is something that other people do, far, far away from their limited existence, unless of course, that volunteerism has the rewards of instant prestige or monetary compensation.

Sometimes, ME-ME sufferers break the pattern of that hum in their brains, but unfortunately the pattern is largely broken by exclamatories such as, “ME first!” and “ME now!” and “ME most important!”

Patience, hard work and tolerance of others in any way that might, even momentarily, inconvenience the ME-ME sufferer are no longer an option. Instant gratification is the only way they know how to live. Unfortunately, it would seem that that constant hum of “ME-ME-ME” also drives every other coherent thought out of their brains.

Due to the lack of social intelligence this illness causes, ME-ME sufferers are often the folks who create scenes at weddings, binge drink in public (expecting all to forgive, and even clean up the mess) and harass wait staff in restaurants.

You can also usually identify ME-ME sufferers by the vehicles they drive. They are invariably larger than they need, more expensive than the sufferer can afford, and gasoline conservation is not an option.

Often too, out of these shiny bohemoths come a steady stream of litter. See, contemplation of consumption of natural resources and a clean environment do not penetrate that steady stream of “ME-ME-ME.”

One more sure sign of a ME-ME sufferer is the haughty, I-am-better-than-you expression they often wear. It changes only when the sufferer wants something they think they can’t get without a manipulative smile.

It has recently been theorized that the local area has been infected by immigration from our neighboring state to the east, but philosophy and religious personnel have been reporting it for years, even centuries.

Personally, I think they’re both right. Some form of the ME-ME malaise has been found for centuries, mostly in the aristocracies of old, but it does seem much more locally prevalent as the wave of migration from New Jersey and New York continues. Another confirmation comes from the fact that it grows to true fever pitch every weekend in shopping venues, which are filled with cars with license plates from our nearest neighboring state.

When faced with “infected” folks, we must calmly and politely inform them that their inflamed sense of importance doesn’t actually entitle them to importance.

In my estimation, the only way to save the Lehigh Valley from completely falling prey to this insidious situation is to steadfastly hold on to the values that have made this area a great place to live for (literally) centuries.

Politely sticking up for oneself while remaining a concerned, thoughtful, caring person in the face of rising rudeness is perhaps the only way to abate this epidemic.

(Originally published in The Easton News, April 27, 2006)